MAN IN THE MIRROR

I was driving home after the day's work. There was a bit of traffic jam. All of a sudden, a little boy of about 8 years old ran out holding a bottle of liquid wash and a foam and started washing my windscreen. I was too shocked to do anything, so I allowed him. When he finished, he came to beg me for money. I was moved to tears. I gave him some money and drove off. I couldn't get him off my mind. I was just wondering where his parents were and why he wasn't in school.

Here in Port Harcourt, people who can't afford to rent an apartment to live, due to high cost of living, they live in Batchers. Batchers are rooms built in groups with wood on an abandoned piece of land and leased to people. The state of these places are deplorable. Most environments are dirty and overcrowded. Most people can hardly afford a day's meal, not to talk of sending their children to school.

I know what's running through your mind now. You blame the government. Stop the blame game. We all anticipate the wind of CHANGE. We all expect the change to come. Dear friends, the change starts with you. Yes, YOU!

Have you done something for somebody today? Have you helped that friend of yours who needs it? Have you stretched out your hands to some one in kindness?

You can afford to eat comfortably and even waste most times. Have you spared a meal for the hungry ones? Your closet is filled with clothes, that you don't even get to wear most for months. Have you spared some to cover the shame of that sister or brother?

You work in a reputable company and have subordinates working under you. How do you treat them? You employed house help or a driver. Do you starve them of their wages because you feel you have their livelihood in your hands? You drive a car, how do you treat other road users?

For the CHANGE to manifest, you have to start with the Man in the Mirror. Tell him to change his ways. If you want the world to be a better place, take a good look at yourself and make a CHANGE.

Humbly submitted,
Monisola Tairu-Akeredolu
#MonnieWrites

GRATITUDE

Reflecting on the past year, I can only be thankful. Every February, God mercifully adds another year to my years on earth. I remember my last birthday in 2015. I woke up that morning and prayed to God. I told Him that when I will be celebrating my next birthday 2016, I wanted to be a married woman.
Well, God answered my prayers. Hubby proposed on 2nd of April 2015, and we tied the knot 24th October 2015.

Another birthday is a week away. I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to God. He has been good to me. He never ceases to amaze me.

Gratitude should not be a yearly thing or when you feel up to it. Gratitude should not be done grudgingly. It should be an attitude. An attitude of gratitude brings more blessings. Developing an attitude of gratitude is reflection.

When I think of God's loving kindness, His faithfulness and compassion to me, the floodgates of gratitude opens. An ungrateful heart can't receive from God.

Its not too late to start. Start today!

Humbly submitted,
Monisola Tairu-Akeredolu
#MonnieWrites

BOTTLED GRIEVANCES

On a fateful Thursday, after work I went to church. I have been missing mid-week services for a while now. So I decided to go that day, to make peace with my conscience that has been waging war with me.

On getting to church, I hurried in, rushing past other worshippers on their way in too. I was fashionably late and didn’t want to dawdle outside. I could hear that a prayer session was on. I entered the auditorium and found a seat quickly.

I mumbled a quick prayer and settled in to join others. Alas, the prayer session was over. I could see the choir filing out to minister. My heart sunk inside me. I knew my conscience was going to berate me later.

I guess the devil must be out to ruin that day completely for me, because the soloist for that day was a guy that we had a nasty quarrel some weeks back. My heart sunk lower. Without notice, a fury and rage rose inside me. I tuned out completely throughout the ministration and the remaining part of the service. If looks could kill, the guy should have dropped dead at the altar because I was shooting daggers at him with my eyes.

We had this huge and nasty quarrel between us. He hurt me so badly and deep that I can’tbutfeel hatred for him. We are not on speaking terms presently. We just behave like the other person doesn’t exist.

You know what? I am hurting myself more than him. Why? Because, I lose more. I carry this huge grievance in me against him, which is depriving me from getting a fulfilling worship in God’s presence.

Not only that, bottled grievances turn us into an angry person who can never be reasonable. Anger is a fire in our bosom. When we bottle grieve against someone in our hearts, we wound our hearts deeply. You can’t move on to a better future while still holding on to the past. You have to let go, forgive the person and set yourself free from the past.

You want to heal your wounded heart? Forgive and let go. You forgive, for your sake, not theirs. Call him/her; tell them exactly how you feel and what they did to offend you. Funny thing is they might not even know that they grieved you. Allow them to explain and apologise genuinely. Then forgive, so you can heal and set yourself free. You will be glad you did.

 

Humbly submitted,

Monisola Tairu

#MonnieWrites

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

        You might be wondering why all I talk about is love. Well, this is the month of love; finding love, rekindling love, growing love, blossoming love, sharing love. It’s all about love!

      Then why is love not enough? We tend to weave dreams around us, we live and believe in these dreams, but when reality kicks in, then we find out that love is never enough.

        It’s not wrong to dream. What is wrong is ignoring reality and grasping straws when it is evident that you are only deceiving yourself.

       You meet a new person, who sweeps you off your feet, he is romantic, tells you sweet nothings, dines you, spends time with you. Oh! What a dream come true!

      He takes you on a romantic getaway on a weekend, you are in the heavens. He fights the driver on the way over #100 change and you help him create an excuse for that. He doesn’t want to be cheated.

     He beats up his sister over a gown he bought for you, which the sister took because she likes it. You say, he is only protecting my interest.

He slapped you around because he met a guy in your house and didn’t believe that the guy is only a friend. You say, I should know better than to have a male friend.

You ignored all the warning signs. You say, I love him.

Hello Sis, LOVE IS NOT AND NEVER ENOUGH TO GET ABUSED OVER!

Please wake up! He is violent and will never change. You will always find an excuse for every abuse you receive in that relationship. Love is not the only factor you use to determine or choose a partner. Love is not violent.

You need to sit down and ponder over exactly what you want in your dream man. Don’t settle for less. An abusive relationship is not healthy.

 

Humbly submitted,

Monisola Tairu

#MonnieWrites              

 

 

TELL ME YOUR DREAMS

              A woman was having issues in her relationships and decided to talk to a psychologist. When she got to his office, she sat down on his sofa.

The psychologist looked at her and said “Tell me your dreams”

That baffled her. My dreams? Like seriously? How is that going to help me?

He smiled. “Your dreams say a lot about you. So tell me your dreams”

“Ok…..my dreams….I dream of a happy life, a life full of happiness, void of sorrow and loneliness”

“Is that all?” he asked.

She lifted sad eyes to him, “Yes”

The psychologist answered her. “This can’t be all you dream about. What about achievements? Fulfilments...”

She cut in. “He doesn’t want an independent woman. He wants a traditional woman who is down to earth, submissive and obedient. A woman who attends to his entire whim, a woman at his beck and call”

The psychologist nodded knowingly. “Now I understand”.

          A relationship involves two different person coming together to build a future based on love, trust and patience. Talking openly about your differences, help you to understand each other properly.

        Tell each other your dreams, expectations, hopes, ambitions, achievements and fulfilments. When your dreams don’t mesh, there will be problems of one person being put down, or being trodden underfoot. A man who is ambitious will never get along well with a woman who leaves things to chance, who rather let opportunities find her than chase after them. Likewise a man who prefers fresh home cooked meals every day, shirts starched and ironed, a warm home to go to after the day’s work will never get along well with a woman who is career conscious and believes that microwaves and freezers were manufactured for a reason.

        Marriage is a long-time contract. Don’t get in under duress, or because your friends are all married. Use your single time wisely. Live your life fully. Chase your dreams. Don’t allow them to be snatched from you. The worse thing to happen to a person is living a purposeless life, a life that is not driven by goals or dreams. Before you walk down the aisle, before you say “I do”, before you sign the dotted lines, take a pause. TELL EACH OTHER YOUR DREAMS.

 

Humbly submitted,

Monisola Tairu   

MANAGING YOUR ANGER

               I visited my Sister in Aba, Abia state some days ago. I noticed a cute teddy on her bed. I told her, "Sister Bunmi I love this teddy oh. I will be going home with it". She just smiled and said, "Monisola, that teddy is a mascot I bought to represent someone. When he offends me, every hurtful words I want to say to him I say it to the teddy instead of him, till the anger vanishes. That way I wont hurt the person".

I pondered over this for a while. I thought within myself, there is wisdom in this.

Anger is dangerous. Its an emotion that is VERY destructive. Never allow anger to rule you. Its like fire in one's bosom. You get hurt and the other person too.

Even the Bible says "Be angry, but sin not...." Where is the sin in anger you might ask? The hurtful words you say, the hate you allow to grow in your heart, the malice you decide to keep with the person, evil thoughts that spring up in your mind.

How do I handle my anger then?

- Take a deep breath, move away from the scene. This keeps your anger in a grip. It gives you space to think logically.

- Think about the situation and find out exactly what annoyed you. This will help you consider if it was worth getting angry about anyway.

- Once you know exactly what got you angry, find a solution to that problem. Think about an alternative action to solve it.

-Now that you have the solution, get busy! Don't allow thoughts of the incident mar your mood.

- You have resolved the problem? Then meet with the person who annoyed you. Tell him/her you have forgiven them. Be sure to let them know that you don't have issues with them again.

Or you could get a Teddy just like my sister (smiles).

 

 

Humbly submitted,

Monisola Tairu

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

            Let’s talk about abusive relationships today. Relationships are part of our lives. We are always in a relationship, whether between parents and their children, between siblings, relatives, between friends, or between lovers.

            What do I mean by abusive relationship? A relationship where coercive, physical or control behaviour is used against a partner(s) is abusive. Abuse could either be verbal or physical. Of course, none of the choice is right because they do damages to our physical and mental health.

           Verbal abuse in a relationship involves using strong words and insults to break another person’s will, thereby destroying their self-esteem and self-worth. Saying hurtful words deliberately in a destructive manner is verbal abuse. This sort of abuse is common between parents and children relationships. Correcting somebody should be done in love and in a constructive manner, to have desired results. Destructive criticisms have grievous consequences on a person. Such abused persons tend to be timid, quiet, have low self-esteem and afraid of trying new things in fear of being criticised.

         Physical abuse involves the use of fists to cause bodily harm to a person. Physical abuse is mostly found between lovers and couples, and in rear cases, children and parents. I will be laying more emphasis on physical abuse between couples and lovers. Physical abuse is damaging, not only to the body, but also mentally. Most victims have depression, low self-esteem, suicide ideas and become a shadow of them, and most cases result in death.

         Physical violence is used to gain and maintain total control over you. Abusers use fear, shame, guilt and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumbs. Has he hit you? Does he use guilt to hold you down? Or shame? Come out of it now!

         He will always tell you "its your fault that I hit you". Weighing you down with guilt and making you think that you are crazy. He will make you think you are a weird creature.

         Never stay in an abusive relationship. Talk to somebody about it. Seek help while you still can. Don’t listen to the lies he will tell you. He will never change. He will continue to hit you and break you down. You don’t have to die in silence.

Please seek help today!

 

Humbly submitted,

Monisola Tairu